“What the BLEEP do you mean?” The Hazards of Speaking in Corporate Lingo
Ahhhh, the corporate meeting. Mundane and tedious at best but at times can become a mentally stimulating language puzzle. Have you ever heard conversations like this at your meetings? “Bob, I think we need to take a 20,000-foot view and become an industry disrupter, grabbing the low hanging fruit while efficiently managing our smaller bandwidth during this rightsizing effort. Be sure to ping me later and loop me in with the team as we circle the wagons to put a pin in our areas of geofocus.”
Crazy, right?
Corporate jargon is destroying the English language. Communication between people is the imparting and interchange of information or opinions by speech, writing or signs. Implicit in this definition is that hopefully the communication is understood by those hearing it. This odd use of words does nothing to assist with understanding and is contagious when everyone around you is using it.
In front of each paragraph I have placed a corporate saying. Each saying is in bold print. The bolded corporate statements have nothing to do with the subsequent paragraph, they serve as an example for you to consider. See how many different definitions you can come up with for each saying.
"Unpack it"
Oddly enough, once people leave the corporate setting, they readily agree how ridiculous this practice really is. Everyone can readily name the biggest offender in their own company who habitually practices corporate-ese. Wouldn’t it be fun to play a game at these meetings where this speech is so prevalent? When someone uses a corporate-ese saying, everyone sips their coffee! Caffeinated productivity abounds!!!
"Deep dive"
There are several reasons that corporate lingo is used. A company may use it attempting to be on the leading edge or speaking about something in a new way. It may be used to get people’s attention in this very compacted business world. Some corporate people just want to appear smarter or superior to their team while there are some who use these trendy phrases to fit into a market that they desperately are trying to win over.
"Change network"
Time magazine, May 2015 reported, “The average attention span for the notoriously ill-focused goldfish is 9 seconds, but according to a new study from Microsoft Corp., people now generally lose concentrations after 8 seconds…” The corporate meeting or presentation attention span is somewhere between 7-10 minutes. Add to these sorry statistics the fact that most people in meetings have their computers open as well as their cell phones at the ready combined with a barrage of corporate lingo that some may not even comprehend, you can see that there is a minimal amount of communication actually occurring.
"Move the needle"
Communication involves more than simply speaking. It involves hearing as well. What we hear tells our brain what to think. This deals with the concept of neuroplasticity. According to Inc., “your brain is constantly recreating itself and rewiring its neural connections in reaction to what’s happening around you, including the words you habitually hear and use.”
"Let’s dialogue about it"
So the problem is the more we sit in corporate meetings and speak to each other using this strange corporate-speak, the more it begins to influence and change how we think. We become convinced that these multiple-meaning, infinitely malleable phrases have real objective values. This terminology is confusing and vague to the point of being meaningless. Being exposed to this barrage of nonsensical words on a constant basis can make our brains lose the innate ability to immediately identify obvious foolishness or falsehoods.
"Can we take this offline"
This is similar to a tool that politicians use to “convince” voters. They are aware that voters will only listen to a limited amount of political commentary so they concentrate on just a few words and then repeat them over and over and over. Due to the limited attention given to politics by a large majority, voters then begin to believe what they constantly hear whether it is true or not. The same happens with corporate-ese. We become hypnotized by the repetitive nature of what we are hearing, even if we don’t know the exact definition of the phrases since many of these phrases can have multiple meanings.
"Let it organically occur"
The article in Inc. continues, “listening to such material…creates neural pathways and habits of thought that make it difficult and sometimes impossible…to think logically and clearly. They become immune to facts, which is a form of stupidity.” Whoa there, harsh, right?
"Open the kimono"
If you are currently in the job interview process or contemplating securing a job interview, these phrases will not help your cause and are not recommended! Your interview coach will help exorcise these terms from your lexicon. It is best not to try to impress a hiring manager with what you consider corporate-ese relevant to the industry you are applying for. The same phrase in one industry (or company) may mean something totally different in another and will not translate. Don’t get me wrong. Some terms are industry relevant, but not corporate-ese. Common sense can guide you. Some terms, like the term at the front of this paragraph can be perceived as sexist as well as racist, so be careful. Some international companies will certainly not understand the corporate lingo we use. You can impress using simple English while properly portraying your talents and abilities through excellent job interview preparation. Follow the KISS rule: Keep it simple stupid!
"Influencer"
When we teach our children to speak, we use simple, concise words everyone understands. Why do we change as adults? Why complicate the beauty of simply spoken, understood words? Clear, precise thinkers should utilize clear, precise language. Maybe if we all spoke to each other in a simple manner (as you would speak to anyone outside of the corporate bubble), our communication would be clearer and non-confusing. This could lead to better understanding and maybe, just maybe, less corporate meetings!