A Fish Named Change
For the past 28 years, there has been a beta fish in our kitchen. The fish is housed in a glass bowl sitting on a green lilly pad with a cute frog that watches the beta fish swim around. These fish don't live very long, so it's been a parade of different, beautiful betas that have graced the countertop. Through the years the fish have had unusual names, and many names represented a life stage or passage for that specific point in time. One beta was called Maybe, named at a time where we were waiting to see whether retirement would finally be within our grasp. Then, there was Someday, named for a far away, still unattainable goal. Most recently there has been a conglomeration of issues all happening at once and as a new fish was ushered in, his name could only be, Change.
Merriam-Webster defines change: to make different; to replace with another. The word alone can cause the hairs on some people's arms to rise and make the gastric acids in their stomach churn. All change comes with stress, which is the body's response to change. There is positive stress called eustress. Having a baby is an example of eustress. Yes, it's a life change, but generally considered a wonderful, positive happening. Negative stress is known as distress. A whopper here would be, of course, losing your job.
There is a plethora of research and articles written on different aspects of change. This blog will only touch on a few that may help ring a bell with you, and assist you on your "change" journey to find employment.
1. Accept the change. I know, if you have lost your job this is the last thing you want to hear, right? Unfortunately, the fact is you no longer are employed. That genie can't be put back into the bottle. Being angry and crying is allowed, but not for longer than 48 hours. Now, as hard as it is, it's time to pull up those big boy pants and get started.
2. Face your fear. The late H.P. Lovecraft, master of fantastical horror stories, has a famous quote about fear. "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown." How is that for a smack of truth in the face? Not knowing what will happen is the worst, especially when you have lost a job. "When will I get one?", "Will I have to move?", " How will I make ends meet?" Voices from the past – even voices you may have heard when you were a child and a family member was dealing with job loss – may whisper to you. On and on our minds conjure up the worst scenarios because we have no new information to replace these scenarios. Oh, but you do! Try your best to stop those fearful thoughts and replace them with something positive. You have been successful thus far, so remember your successes from past job searches. What worked for you then and most of all, remember, you are in control. You control your attitude, and that is a huge part of the job search.
3. Move forward. You have faced the demon, fear, and accepted the change, so now it's time to take forward steps. Even a baby step is forward motion, so congratulate yourself on any forward motion! Seek support from trusted persons and activate your professional network to find that new job. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Your "temp" job is getting a job, so set a routine for yourself. Set specific hours during the day for job searching and all that it entails. This not only fills the day but also is an emotional boost as it reenforces your being in control! You are now an active participant of the change.
4. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself both good and bad days during your job search, but try not to wallow in the bad. Attitude counts, so dig deep to find the positive. Include activities to help alleviate your stress. Go to the gym, listen to your favorite music, or go to the firing range. Yes, you can name the targets there!
There are many aspects of dealing with the change associated with job loss. Perhaps consider getting a beautiful, graceful beta fish for your kitchen. Name the fish after a specific feeling associated with your job transition. Since they don't live long, chances are by the time the fish sees the "big flush," you will have a brand-spanking new job, and you can name the new beta fish something to represent your new life stage!